


Wishing I could find the rain to wash away the past

by Queenofthebees



Series: Love song requiem [7]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-07 22:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16416968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/pseuds/Queenofthebees
Summary: He wondered now, if Sansa knew how much he loved her, if Catelyn even knew.“I love Sansa,” he added, gentler this time. Catelyn lowered her gaze.“I know you do,” she whispered. “I never doubted it Ned.”***"Aye, the Queen will be put on trial for sure."Jon stumbled to a halt, his head whipping around at the sound of Janos Slynt's voice. The man was grinning at his companion around the rim of his cup and Jon barely had time to process the thought before he was at the table and yanking the man's head back by his cloak."Are you talking about Sansa?" he snarled.





	Wishing I could find the rain to wash away the past

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I lied. This is the second last piece :D

The parchment crumpled in Ned’s hand as he gave a long sigh. Catelyn’s lips pressed tight together as she watched her husband’s face. The blood red dragon made her eyes sore but she couldn’t help but flick her gaze to the seal every so often as panic rose within her.

“Rhaegar insists Robb and I come to court,” Ned muttered eventually, leaning back in his chair with another heavy breath. “He wants us to renew our vows of allegiance.”

“What news of Sansa?” Catelyn insisted, vows be damned when her daughter was concerned.

“None,” Ned responded grimly, looking at the letter again.

“Why haven’t we heard from her Ned?” Catelyn asked, her voice cracking as she thought of what may have happened to her sweet Sansa.

“I don’t know,” Ned sighed, rubbing his temple as he dropped the letter once more.

“They’re using her,” Catelyn spat, standing in her fury. “Dangling her like a carrot before a horse to make you go there and swear loyalty again. You swore your vows already Ned. Where was Rhaegar’s allegiance to his people when he convinced your sister to run away with him? How many lives of his subjects has he taken through his actions? I will not let my daughter become another!”

“I would die before I let anyone hurt Sansa,” Ned replied evenly, though there was a dangerous edge to his voice.

He loved all his children with every fibre of his being. He had never understood Sansa and her feminine ways, leaving it instead for Catelyn or Septa Mordane to engage with her. But Ned could appreciate Sansa’s talents too. He still kept a handkerchief on which she had stitched two dire wolves for him in his top pocket, he used to love walking through the halls and hearing her sing to herself and her voice would carry through the empty corridors and fill the castle with joy.

He wondered now, if Sansa knew how much he loved her, if Catelyn even knew.

“I love Sansa,” he added, gentler this time. Catelyn lowered her gaze.

“I know you do,” she whispered. “I never doubted it Ned.”

“Good because I’m going to the capital,” Ned said, standing once more. “And I’m taking the North with me.”

***

He was a fool to come here.

Work was easy enough to find, there was always a need for mercenaries or the odd job going around the city of Bravos.

Nobody questioned him, nobody bothered him. He was free to roam where he liked, not the bastard prince to be pitied, not the son his father tried so hard to buy love from. Not the bastard brother to the prince who got the girl.

Thinking of Sansa was like a stab to the heart. He tried not to think of her at all.

He wasn’t short of female attention, he could forget Sansa for a night easily enough. But he could never bring himself to do it, feeling stupid for thinking that it was as though he was being unfaithful.

_She would want you to move on._

He wondered whether Sansa’s child was a boy or a girl, what she had called the babe. The image of her sitting with a babe in her arms, singing softly made him scowl out across the ocean. It was a beautiful image, something he would never, could never have. And he knew that should mean that he moved on too, try to find a woman he could make his wife and have children with.

_But what if I don’t want to move on?_

“I’m such a fool,” he mumbled to his ceiling, turning harshly in his bed.

He shouldn’t have run away. Like a child who couldn’t have a toy, he had abandoned Sansa because he wasn’t able to deal with his jealousy and his desire to have her for himself. Their night together should have been enough, it was more than he could ever have dreamed to have. But again, like a spoiled child he had wanted more. And had stormed off in anger when he couldn’t have it.

The thought had crossed his mind over the passing moons that he should go back. But if he were to go back, would she even want to see him? What if she had grown to love Aegon after all, despite him being wholly undeserving of her?

Still, he had never quite felt he could stay on Essos forever. No matter what he did, he couldn’t feel like he belonged.

For so long, he had debated the idea of returning to Westeros and always talked himself out of it for fear of Sansa’s reaction.

_I could go to Winterfell. Make things up to Sansa by helping her family, my uncle would take me in._

He tossed and turned all night, trying to remind himself of all the reasons he shouldn’t go back and trying so hard to suppress the one reason he truly wanted to return.

By morning, he had convinced himself yet again that there was no point in returning to Westeros. For as out of place as he felt here, he didn't belong anywhere in Westeros either. His uncle may take him in for a time, but he couldn't stay in Winterfell with no purpose forever. Robb would marry one day and have children of his own running through the castle, reminding Jon again of everything he could not have.

"Aye, the Queen will be put on trial for sure."

Jon stumbled to a halt, his head whipping around at the sound of Janos Slynt's voice. The man was grinning at his companion around the rim of his cup and Jon barely had time to process the thought before he was at the table and yanking the man's head back by his cloak.

"Are you talking about Sansa?" he snarled.

Slynt trembled as his eyes widened in recognition. "P...Prince Jon!"

"Answer me!" Jon growled, his dagger slamming into the table, teeth bared like a wolf.

"The King thinks she has been taking moon tea. It is treason to deny the King an heir," Slynt mumbled. "Please don't kill me!"

"When is she being put on trial? What happened to her babe?" She had been pregnant before he left, which meant Aegon had an heir. Unless she had lost the babe...

"I don't know. He has her locked away in her chambers right now. The Princess is locked in her own chambers too."

"She has a daughter?" Jon questioned, voice softening instantly at the news. Slynt nodded, his lips still wobbling until Jon finally released him.

"You are going to take me home Slynt," Jon commanded, pushing the man's cup out of reach. "Right now."

***

"He is as mad as his grandfather," Robb snapped, pacing the tent with the frustration of a caged wolf. 

"You should have stayed in Winterfell," Ned responded, though his voice was softer and taking the edge of the reprimand away. "Your mother is frantic enough with me going to war again, for you to be here as well will have her in a panic."

"I shouldn't have left Sansa there alone," Robb sighed, pressing his hands to his face and shaking his head. "I left her there with him, when we knew he would disrespect her, humiliate her."

"And you would have been killed for protecting her," Ned reasoned. "If we had left anyone there with her, they would be dead by now. If Aegon truly believes her to be guilty of treason, would he spare any of her guards? Aerys wasn't known for being reasonable by the end."

"Mother said the same," Robb replied, grimacing. "She said for me to go was just repeating history."

"Aye," Ned commented sadly.

He had thought the same thing when Robb declared his intention to march at his side. That it was history repeating itself. Another Stark girl at the mercy of a Tararyen Prince, another Stark father and brother marching to her rescue. He could only hope that this time, the outcome would be different. His hope rested on Rhaegar, and the fact they were bound by blood through Jon could allow him to beg for mercy.

But Ned knew his idea of honour and justice differed greatly from what those in the south believed. He had learned that now the hard way, with Sansa's innocence being the price. He would not have her die, he would beg in front of the court if he had to.

"We'll get her back," Robb said, with all the hope of a youth not yet corrupted by war.

***

"Please!" Sansa begged, rushing to the door as she heard footsteps outside. "I don't care what happens to me but my daughter, can you tell me she is alright?"

Whoever was outside said nothing, just like every night before. And as always, Sansa descended into sobs, sliding to the floor and hugging her knees close to her chest. Lyra would be so scared, who was with her? Was anyone with her at all? It was only the thought of seeing her daughter again, of holding her close and reassuring her that had prevented her from throwing the windows open and leaping into the welcoming oblivion below.

She wondered if her family knew of what had happened, she wondered if Jon would ever know what had happened to her. She wished that she could go back and tell him what she finally knew in her heart, that Lyra was his. He would never know it now.

She had suspected as much after months of enduring Aegon's attentions to no avail, and his firm belief in her taking moon tea had only cemented the thought in her mind. When she thought of Lyra's mannerisms, the way her blue eyes almost glinted grey in the light, she wondered how it had taken so long for her to realise it.

Eventually, she always found the strength to crawl to the bed, determined that if she were to be dragged to trial any day, she would not look scared and distraught. Let the world remember her as the wolf girl, who held her head high against the dragons around her.

Yet more days passed and nobody came. Her unknown fate left her devoid of motivation, often spending the entire day watching the sun rise and fall through her window. She lost count of how long she had been kept in her prison but she still asked for Lyra, despite still receiving no response.

And then finally, one morning, she heard the keys rattle. While at first, she had thought it to be the servant leaving the cup of water and stale bread for her, the footsteps were too heavy. She bolted upright, the breath stolen from her lungs as she looked upon her husband's furious form in the hallway.

"Get her dressed and in the hall," he snapped at the handmaidens who scurried around the side of him, desperate to obey his orders. Two carried pails of steaming water to the tub while the other made for the bed to drag Sansa out.

"Where is Lyra?" Sansa asked, scrambling out of the bed and out of the reach of the bumbling maid. "My daughter needs..."

"My daughter," Aegon snapped back at her, fire burning in his eyes, "is with her septa, so she can learn to be a true and obedient girl. Her mother would clearly never teach her such things."

Sansa longed to blurt out that Lyra was not his but it would only mean placing her daughter in danger, something she would never let happen so long as she remained alive, however much longer that may be.

Nodding slowly, she turned to the handmaiden behind her and finally allowed the girl to lead her to the bath tub.

***

"Your traitor father and brother march south with an army," Aegon growled. "You are the spawn of traitors, no wonder you betray me so when it is in your blood. You are not fit to kneel at my feet, let alone be my queen."

"I swear it, my King," Sansa responded with surprising calmness, at odds with the pounding of her heart. "I have not taken moon tea. How would I ever be able to obtain it? I don't know how to make it either!"

"You lie!" Aegon spat and Sansa hated how she cringed back when he took a menacing step forward. She longed to remain unaffected in front of the judging eyes of the court but every time Aegon moved too suddenly, she was reminded of how quick he was, how strong he was, when he would grab her and hold her down to have his way.

As much as she loathed Rhaegar for his indifference to his son's whoring, she wished he was not on his way to meet her father's army for a truce. Rhaegar was at least likely to give her a chance to speak, may be merciful. He had told her father that he had saw a banner with a new sigil - a dragon and wolf incorporated, and had insisted that it was a good omen for their houses to heal together through the marriage of Sansa and Aegon.

That was before she had known Aegon was no true prince. Jon was more honourable than more than half of the court. He should have been the true born son, and then she could have been happy and in bed with him right now rather than begging for her life.

"Father says not to do anything rash yet," Aegon sighed, flopping back onto the throne with no sense of grace. "But I will have justice Sansa Stark. Mark my words."

"Mark my father's words, your grace" Sansa heard herself say defiantly. "Winter is coming for you."


End file.
